he seems happy and he's still able to talk to others happily and freely as if nth even happened. i don't know whether he truly is happy without me. all i want to know is whether he really is. i barely slept for the past few days. staying up all night just thinking what i should really do. man, i miss him like crazy. i need someone to tell me what to do. it hurts. just so much. i don't even know whether he wants me back now or not. i will just have to wait and continue what i'm doing until he tells me. one day, i don't know if i would pass out because of a regular routine. i'm seriously genuine about all this, about the changes, i've alrd changed. all i need now are his words of care and concern. all this seems to be missing. a huge part of me seems to be gone when he went. what am i suppose to do ?
i've been starving myself for two days now. only drinking tea and a few biscuits. crying endlessly. i stare at all the books laid out in front of me and all i could see are words that i barely understand. i'm seriously driving myself insane. if i'd known that somehow or another u wanted me back, i wouldn't have said so much. i don't know whether u added that 'please', just so to make me stop talking. right now, the very thing i'm certain with is that i can't live without him. i don't want to screw up like the way i usually do. only if i'd known. only if i'd known. o levels are tmr, barely done anything. i still want things to work, and i'll do whatever it takes to make it work.. he deleted me off everything. it seems as if he really wants me gone. i don't know what to do. i really don't. please.
i'm once again staring into the blank screen. not knowing what to do, not knowing what my life's gonna be in the future. all this can be pretty frustrating. all i know is that i really want things to work. i know that it'll be a perfect one if we gave it a shot. all i need now, are his words of confirmation. until now, i never knew the importance of having a family. it was a good experience. i won't screw things up the second time, because now i really know what went wrong. i'm not going to be a dummy again. right now, i'm fired up with determination. all i need now is your word and your trust. i mean all that i say. deep down, i know u want to give it another shot, but u're still messed up. don't give up baby. don't. we will make it..looking at those pictures below, makes my heart beat rapidly. from that, i know that there's still hope. i hope yours does too.
the way she flirts with him seriously makes me sick. when i know who the hell she is, she's dead !
i love you; i miss you.
i've been crying uncontrollably for two days now. i don't care how long it takes because i know that one day, things will fall into place. the amount of effort that i'm putting in now is going to be worth it. i'll change for the better. not only for u, but for me and everybody around me as well. please keep that love somewhere safe. i love you honey, now and always.
i woke up this morning feeling empty. astonishingly, the time was 7.30. the earliest that i've ever woken up. then, i started weeping again, in agony. my heart is full of regret. at the same time, memories flooded in. though the end of the path is not certain, i know that i'm willing to take that risk. i'll prove to you what i'm capable off. i miss you dearly, every second, every minute and every hour. i look around and i see your past self walking around. i'm lost, i need u baby, i do.
exams are over and it doesn't appeal to me in any way(ironical). perhaps knowing that i'll at least have the week to enjoy would make me feel better. the outing was great today. spent quite some time sitting down chillaxing. shopping suddenly became a BIG NO(the tight budget). i absolutely can't wait to show C what i'll be giving her and the excitement is killing me alrd ! i'm seriously wishing that i could finish watching GG now. it's irritating to have to wait for a week before a downloadable episode comes out. i just realised that my room requires much more oriental stuff. or perhaps souveniers(?) will sleep on that idea tonight.
can't wait for the saturday(i'll try to contain the excitement before attempting to jump for joy) (:
cheers on this blooming romance, honey. bottoms up !
went out with baby last night. watched angels and demons. the movie was pretty good in fact. though extremely complicated. went to some pasar malam and it was bloody cool (: it's kind of like an exam-over celebration (?) chem exam tmr /: after that, shopping ! nth much to say about the impeccable chemistry between us, as pictures speak a thousand words-
'u can ask him yourself if u don't believe. stop making life difficult for both parties will u ? i've spent an hour or two explaining. i think it's time u stop ?'
it hurts. it hurts so much. why did u ever have to come into my life u bitch ! u ruined everything. do u know that !?
exam week-first of all, i didn't expect myself to be doing fine even with me NOT studying. perhaps it's just the easy paper (?) the day that all mother's has been waiting for is here too. got her quote, "divine truffles" unquote. second, i can't wait for exams to end, and the june holidays to arrive. the very first thing i'm gonna do on tuesday is to wake up at 10 and get a pair of comfortable shoes for the day and start the spree with baby (: thirdly, it's joan's confirmation and it's over at bukit batok. WOO. fourth, i feel dreadful to have to wait to watch GossipGirl /: the drama and intense conflict is almost killing me.
NEWSPAPER HEADLINES
MAS SELAMAT IS CAPTURED.
i'm thinking of getting flowers and a card too, but after putting it all together ? it sounds more like blind date to me- mum.
i love you honey(apology) trust me, there's an impeccable chemistry going on (:
